As National Day of Mourning approaches on April 28, I am reminded of a time not so long ago when I had life throw me a curve ball, and I had to face the loss of a loved one.
Losing a loved one is one of the hardest things we can go through; it comes with so many emotions and a lot of ups and downs. If you have suffered the loss of a loved one, acquaintance, or even a pet, you know firsthand how devastating the loss can be and how hard the journey of healing can be.
Whether it’s your first time losing someone or if you have faced loss many times before, it never gets easier, and it takes time to heal. Grief is a natural process that the body and mind go through that helps us process that loss, and that journey looks different for everyone. No one can tell you how to grieve; there is no right or wrong way. The grieving process takes time, and the amount of time depends on the person and the situation.
While grieving, you may experience one or many of the feelings accompanying grief. Some of those feelings could be shock, anger, resentment, relief, and even guilt. Along with the emotions, you may also experience physical feelings such as an upset stomach, tight muscles, or exhaustion. You may also notice that your sleeping cycle has been affected; it could be that you cannot sleep, or you may find that you are sleeping all the time.
Just know that you are not alone; many resources are available to help you navigate your grief. I have put together some helpful tips that may help guide you through the healing process and help you navigate the grief you may be struggling with.
Let yourself feel all the feelings: It’s important to let yourself feel; feel the anger, feel the sadness, feel the guilt or any other emotions that come up. This is an important part of the grieving process, and if you suppress the feelings or tuck them away for another time, you may not be able to process the situation, and it may not help you to move on. Talking to a loved one or journaling can help you express your feelings and deal with them as they come up.
Connect with people: Connecting with a support group or others who have suffered a loss can be comforting and offer great emotional support. If you feel uncomfortable connecting with strangers, reach out to a loved one or friend you feel comfortable talking with. Being around someone who has experienced the same feelings can be comforting; it can make you feel less alone knowing that someone has felt the way you are feeling.
Take care of yourself: It may be hard to focus on yourself while you are grieving, but it’s important to keep yourself strong and healthy. Remember to eat even though you may not feel like it; keeping your strength up will help you heal emotionally and physically. As tough as it may be, keeping to your normal sleep cycle and getting enough sleep can help your brain process the situation and can help you feel rested.
Talk to a professional: If you find that no matter how hard you try to navigate your way through your grieving process, you are still struggling or are resorting to unhealthy coping mechanisms, it’s okay to seek out professional help. Talking to a professional can be a scary thought at first, especially if opening up to strangers is not something you feel comfortable doing. The hardest part is reaching out; the rest will fall into place if you are willing to give it a try. Remember that it’s okay not to jive with your first choice; some people need to try a few different professionals before they find the one they connect with. There are great options in the South Cariboo for free counseling. If that is something you wish to pressure, you can contact the Community Navigator program at the Canadian Mental Health Association, South Cariboo Branch. The Community Navigator will be happy to help provide you with a list of available resources.
Grief is something that almost everyone deals with at some point in their lives. It also takes time; in the beginning, it can feel like the world is closing in on you. After a time, the grief can lessen, and you may find you are begging to live life in a new normal way. Take the time you need and remember that everyone grieves in their way. Don’t be ashamed or embarrassed if your grieving looks different from the way people you know may have grieved. Do what is right for you, and you will begin to heal in time.
If you notice that you are struggling with your grief, and you have tried different things to help it pass, and it’s still causing you concern, reach out to a Dr, call a helpline, or seek help in your community. The following are some great online resources to help you get back on your feet again;
Heretohelp.bc.ca/grief Bouncebackbc.ca
Remember to be kind to yourself, practice self-care, and reach out for help if you need it.
If you are needing support, you can:
• Contact CMHA South Cariboo for mental health support @ 250-395-4883. The office is open Monday to Friday from 9 am - 4 pm.
• You can call the Emergency Crisis Line 24 hours a day @ 1-888-353-2273,
• You can call the Suicide Crisis Line at # 9-8-8. It is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.