Wooing

A weekly family column for the 100 Mile Free Press

This week was my wedding anniversary, conveniently following my birthday which functions as an excellent reminder. Having successfully made it through five years of marriage, I thought I’d offer some (probably outdated) tips for ladies and gentlemen posing with fish or trucks on Tinder in hopes of finding love.

First, much of the things you see in romantic comedies or romance movies, are absolutely insane; from interrupting weddings, to hiring private investigators or standing outside someone’s house holding a boombox. Although perhaps I’m not the best person to speak on this, having done some pretty cheesy stuff myself, from getting my wife a bouquet of roses with a plastic one in there and telling her I would love her until the last petal wilts to getting her a fruit tree and telling her that I hoped our relationship would blossom (the tree promptly died).

On the other hand, perhaps that was required to make up for forgetting when we first met.

Actually, maybe don’t take my advice on dating.

Second, if you have found that special someone make sure you act, because as my girl Beyonce puts it “if you liked it then you should have put a ring on it.” If you think you’ve found the right person, make sure you lock that down whether it’s been two weeks or a month.

Actually, maybe don’t take my advice on this one either as when I first brought up the idea of marriage, my wife and now father-in-law both said it was too soon (I ended up carving my proposal into a tree, but that’s a story for another time).

Third, once you are married, if you engage in competitive activities together (sports, board games etc.) make sure you absolutely crush your spouse in whatever it is you do together. You don’t want them to lose respect for you.

Actually, she keeps hitting me so maybe don’t take my advice on this one either. She says it’s mosquitoes but if that’s the case I find the back of my head is exceptionally appealing to them.

Lastly, and specifically for the gentlemen readers, the bond between a mother and child is something special and you don’t want to take that away from her. Make sure you give them as much time and space as you can. Don’t interrupt their precious fleeting time by offering to take the baby. She’ll really appreciate that you know the two of them need space.

Actually…. well you know where this is going.


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