Dating is difficult in general, but it can be even harder for a gay man.
As a gay man, there are levels of complexity to the dating process and because we are men, I feel like we make the process of looking for a partner, more difficult than it needs to be.
To best describe myself, I’m like a Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman type whose waiting for his John Cusack in Say Anything, kind of man.
My walls are high, my heart is guarded and truthfully, I think I am still trying to figure out exactly what it is I am looking for.
That being said, at this point in my life, I don’t think I am desperately trying to figure that out right now, but there is no harm in meeting new people or casually dating.
As a gay man living in the Interior of British Columbia, trying to do just that is like playing a game of chess - there’s not much, if anything at all to choose from, so you have to be strategic.
I’m coming from a hop, skip and a jump away from a stimulating gay scene and a plethora of gays. The closest I have found to that is Vancouver’s Davie Village. I know Vancouver isn’t the only place for gays, there are many places in B.C. that are gay-friendly, but the chances of those places having a gay scene are very slim.
I can’t help but feel like I might be the only gay living in 100 Mile House, which is highly unlikely, but it’s just different living in a small community rather than a big city.
It’s refreshing, yet incredibly challenging for someone who might be searching for their John Cusack.
I think back to how my parents met and even how their parents met - those days are over, instead we have social media, dating apps, and websites.
The most-used app for gay men is called Grindr. On Grindr, you will find a series of shirtless torsos, blank profiles or the hard-to-come-by handsome face. It’s like Russian roulette, you never really know what you’re going to get. Most men on Grindr are on there for one reason and it’s not to meet their John Cusack but rather a quick interaction (if you catch my drift).
That being said, there are some gentlemen on there who are genuinely interested in meeting someone. A brief exchange of ‘hello, how are you?’ can turn into a meaningful conversation or even a date. I want to say I despise the app, but I can’t because sometimes it’s all we have.
I met my last partner on the app and our relationship lasted over four years. I’d say that was a success for Grindr. In the gay world, if two men are together for four years, you’re practically married at that point.
I have been single for quite some time and since living here I have been on a couple of dates. There was a man from Salmon Arm, he was a paramedic. We chatted back and forth for about a week. Our conversations were great and I felt like there was some chemistry there, so I agreed to go on a date when he asked me out.
The date went extremely well, so well … I agreed to a second one, but shortly after he began talking about settling down and building a home.
I can’t even decide what I am going to make for dinner the next day, let alone start to think about settling down. A month later, I figured I would try this dating thing again.
I met someone who seemed like a catch - our conversations were effortless, he had a good sense of humour and most importantly, the cutest puppy. After a few weeks of talking, he wanted to drive up to 100 Mile House and spend a night.
A first date and a sleepover, risky, I know. I agreed to it anyways. Again, It went really well and it seemed like there was some potential, but I was wrong. I am not too sure what went wrong … but I haven’t heard from him since.
I have tried this dating thing twice and all signs are pointing towards me pumping the breaks and enjoy my own company, I deserve it.
So for now, in the famous words of Robyn, I’ll keep dancing on my own.
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