The long con

A weekly family column for the 100 Mile Free Press

Lori Brodie, our front desk and circulation clerk is away from the office for two weeks. Consequently, my wife is filling in. As a result of that, my mother is visiting for two weeks to take care of the baby since he can only go to his daycare one day a week due to a lack of space (at least until he’s one year old).

Obviously, my mom was happy enough to get some quality time with him (I think) since she’s normally quite far away. With that being said, I’ve been playing a bit of a long con. My brother lived with us briefly in Ottawa. He told my mom that all we eat is pizza and nachos.

Before my mom came, I was talking on the phone on a night that we happened to be having pizza. She asked me something along the lines of “do you really eat that much frozen pizza?”

I told her we eat frozen pizza four nights a week and that she’d better get prepared. At first, she might have thought I was joking.

Then I started sending her pictures of pizza multiple days a week; not necessarily my own but if a colleague was having pizza for lunch I would snap a quick picture and text it to her. She told me she would just have to go on a “water cleanse” with how poorly we were eating.

By the time she arrived, I think she was fully convinced that we really do eat pizza most days of the week. To top it all off, I had left some leftover “heart attack” mac and cheese in the refrigerator. Now I wouldn’t say mac and cheese is healthy to begin but when I make it, once it comes out of the oven, you can really see the grease bubbling.

Now you may be wondering what I’m trying to achieve. My mom is a pretty good cook. She’s also exceptionally health conscious when it comes to food.

As a consequence, she believes the choice is between what she considers food that is unacceptably unhealthy (frozen pizza) and not eating. Subsequently, she’s taken it upon herself to do the cooking for the duration of her stay. How I will ever be able to endure that hardship, we’ll find out this week I guess.

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