Spring mud

A weekly family column for the 100 Mile Free Press

Last year, we replaced the carport. Before doing that, however, my father-in-law took the excavator to the ground and levelled things out a bit. We didn’t manage to gravel it though, meaning that the whole entrance has been one big muddy mess. When it’s warm enough, you’ll sink in up to your ankles.

My wife took a pickaxe to the puddles to help it drain which, in my opinion, was of dubious help.

My mother said that if I was trying to keep people from visiting I was doing a good job. Now broadly speaking, I don’t mind if people don’t visit. I quite like being alone; as alone as you can get with a one-year-old anyways.

For some reason though, I decided to fix (or at least improve the situation) this Saturday.

When I explained to my wife what I was planning, her level of confidence in me was as if I had told her I was training a wild coyote to single-handedly take down a moose.

I had a number of two-by-sixes and some high-quality grade plywood. I got the support structure in place which my wife dared step on but not without great hesitation.

I didn’t want to simply screw on the plywood as it was. For one thing, it wouldn’t be very attractive. More importantly, without any holes, as exist on most decks between the boards, any water would be left standing on top and cause the wood to rot much faster.

Consequently, I used my wife’s grandfather’s CNC machine to cut an interesting pattern of holes in the whole contraption.

My mother in law expressed that she was quite pleased I did something about the mud situation but also has thus far refused to step on it and uses the other entrance into the house instead.

In fact, as a whole (pun intended) it’s created the interesting side effect of turning the house into a semi-prison; one of the hole patterns I used, has holes that are slightly on the large side, not enough by any means for a normal adult foot to slip through. The dog, however, much like a cattleguard, has refused to cross it.

The baby is getting close to walking. I suspect that for the immediate future, it will also serve as an excellent baby trap with the holes big enough for little feet to slip through; let the games begin…

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