We have a bathroom attached to our bedroom and the door doesn’t lock. That’s not usually an issue because other than my wife and I nobody really uses it and when the door’s closed the other one knows what that means. However, if my son is batman, closing a door is like turning on the bat signal.
If you close a door, any door really, it’s unequivocally followed by a fast and shallow “thump, thump, thump.” Usually, it’s quickly followed by “batman” bursting through the door with his signature line “daddy peeing!”
If that wasn’t enough to terrify unsuspecting and suspecting bathroom users alike, “batman” has added a new move to his repertoire. This week following the closing of the door, there was the near-immediate “thump, thump, thump.” Next, the door flung open but instead of “daddy peeing!” an eerie silence followed. My mother always told me that when we got quiet as kids, that was reason for concern. That thought did not occur to me at the time. Consequently, when I suddenly felt a sharp stinging pain in the back of my leg my reflex was to push the offending instrument away. As it turns out, the “offending instrument” was “batman” biting me in the back of the leg, having got a really good pinch of the skin.
“Batman” fell backwards and bonked his head, a relatively minor injury, but, like the darkness in which “batman” prefers to dwell, was a sign of what was to come. Nonetheless, “batman” quickly started crying.
Later in the week, after settling in in a hotel in Kamloops waiting for my wife to go into labour, “batman” spent a whole day going around town. He went visiting dangerous animals in the wildlife park, played in a playground with much older superheroes before retreating to the “bat cave.” In the “bat cave” he spent some time jumping on the nice soft bed before falling on said soft bed amongst the pillows.
Apparently, “batman” is at greatest risk in the safest environments when he’s least on guard because he spent the next three hours in the emergency room with a bum arm.
Luckily the doctor, presumably named “Alfred,” was able to patch him back up so he could go back to terrifying unsuspecting and suspecting bathroom users the very next day.
Meanwhile, “Martha Wayne” has been snickering about “batman” biting “Thomas Wayne” all week.