Trusting the internet

A weekly humorous column for the 100 Mile Free Press.

Warning: this is possibly not the best story to read during breakfast.

For many of us, the internet has become a source of information, whether it’s to catch the latest news, get a score on the hockey game or see what family and friends are up to on Facebook.

For those feeling a bit riskier, it is also used for everything from medical advice to how to replace a tap.

In recent months, I had followed the advice of a stranger on the internet and baked a pizza at the highest setting my oven would go to. My wife was suspicious (more like judgmental) from the start, as she likes to say that I already cook everything at the highest temperature possible and keep trying to stretch what is possible.

The reasoning for cooking the pizza at a higher temperature was simple; pizza ovens burn at a higher temperature so cooking your pizza at a higher temperature will give you a better-cooked pizza. I didn’t burn the pizza, and it was edible, but it also wasn’t an improvement.

Consequently, when an incident occurred this weekend I was skeptical from the get-go.

My toilet clogged. Having enough room in the bowl for a full second flush, I decided to give it a go. However, upon the second flush, it didn’t drain, and worse, the water kept running and running and running. By the time I turned off the source it was everywhere. Thank god the floor wasn’t carpeted anymore.

Six towels and some mopping later the floor was dry but I still had a problem; we hadn’t bought a plunger yet since moving. I really didn’t want to make the 30-45 minute drive to town just to remedy the situation.

This is where my internet adventure began. The recommendation was to add a generous amount of soap and hot water. The hot water would hypothetically break up the toilet paper much faster while the soap would slide any solids along. After partially draining the bowl with an empty yoghurt container I proceeded. However, 15 minutes later nothing had happened. A second attempt also didn’t improve the situation.

Then in a moment of “clarity,” I remember I had once seen a video of someone saran/cling wrapping their toilet to unclog it. I proceeded to get a roll and thoroughly wrapping the toilet with numerous layers.

Then, the moment of truth; had the internet betrayed me again or would this be a bit of magic? I hit the flush button again. The saran wrap started bulging up as the pressure increased. I pressed down on it but nothing happened. The saran wrap reduced but no spillage or unclogging. I decided to give it a second go. I flushed again and this time as I pressed down, lo and behold, the toilet drained! At least for this time, the internet came through.

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