Growing up we often had a thing called ontbijtkoek (breakfast cake). It’s somewhat like bread, somewhat like cake, not very grainy and dark brown. It’s usually eaten with butter on top for breakfast. However, it’s also a little sweet, meaning it’s eaten as a snack sometimes as well.
As little evil children (which we were), we were at a heightened state of awareness that if the ontbijtkoek was boiled it looked just like pooh. Now, obviously, I absolve myself of any and all responsibility but my siblings somehow got the idea that it would be funny to shape the boiled concoction into a turd, leave it on someone’s doorstep, ring the bell and run. Again, I had nothing to do with this and have no idea where they came up with such an abhorrent plan.
On Thanksgiving Monday, one of my colleagues and I went to talk to a member of the public together to seek clarification on a few things that had been discussed with them previously.
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They insisted we’d take some apples as we were leaving which we did. My colleague had refused to drive so I was behind the wheel.
I received a few messages on my phone and, like a responsible person, I pulled over safely to respond. Little did I know, I had just pulled over in front of the house of a third colleague. Suddenly, out of nowhere, my colleague in the car jumped out as I was responding to said messages, knocked on the door left one apple and ran.
When she got back in the car, she said “Go! Go! Go!” Apparently, we had just “apple bombed” someone. Again I had no idea where my colleague might have gotten such an abhorrent idea.
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Sadly, when talking to our paranoid colleague, she said she had thrown the apple out. She said it could only be assumed that it was degenerates or something looking to put her into a permanent Snow White like state. I personally would have never guessed that degerates have an abundant supply of apples specifically for the purpose of putting local women into a state of unconsciousness. You can learn something new every day I guess.
Luckily my son has a responsible father who vigorously rejects such abhorrent behaviour and wouldn’t ever take part in it.
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